Elon's privateers

Elon's Privateers
(with apologies to the late great Stan Rogers)

Oh the year was twenty-seventy-eight
How I wish I was in Phobos now
A letter of marque came from Elon
To the scummiest Tesla I've ever seen

CHORUS
God damn them all
I was told we’d cruise the skies for Earthican gold
We’d fire no guns, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Martian pier
The last of Elon’s Privateers

O damn that Elon cried the town
How I wish I was in Phobos now
For twenty brave men all spacemen who
Would make for him the Tesla's crew
CHORUS

The Cybertruck was a sickening sight
How I wish I was in Phobos now
She’d list to the port and her tires in rags
And the cook in the scuppers with the staggers and jags
CHORUS

On Elon’s birthday we put to sea
How I wish I was in Phobos now
Ninety-one days to Kuiper Belt
Pumping like madmen all the way
CHORUS

On the ninety-sixth day we sailed again
How I wish I was in Phobos now
When a great big Starship hove in sight
With our cracked RPGs we made to fight
CHORUS

The Starship lay low down with gold
How I wish I was in Phobos now
She was broad and fat and loose in stays
But to catch her took the Cybertruck two whole days
CHORUS

Then at length she stood two klicks away
How I wish I was in Phobos now
Our cracked RPGs made an awful din
But with one laser blast the Earthican stove us in
CHORUS

The Cybertruck shook and pitched on her side
How I wish I was in Phobos now
Barrett was smashed like a bowl of eggs
And the reactor carried off both me legs
CHORUS

Now here I lay in my twenty-third year
How I wish I was in Phobos now
It’s been six years since we sailed away
And I just made Deimos yesterday
CHORUS

 

Superb renditions of the original may be had at

https://youtu.be/SIpHfUwix84?si=Edujd8YZ4XvogUfZ&t=186
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbeXh9FZT_g&t=1s

Original lyrics: Barrett's Privateers - Fogarty's Cove Music (stanrogers.net) 


And, another fine piece of filk: https://www.3fgburner.net/bdaysong.htm 

#ElonsPrivateers